The day you get married, you are head over heels in love with your spouse, but then throw a baby (or 2) into the mix and suddenly, your marriage takes a back seat. Spontaneous date nights, sleeping in on the weekends, and impromptu plans are replaced by the newfound responsibility of a highly dependent infant. According to The Gottman Institute, research shows that “67% of couples report a decline in relationship happiness for up to three years after the birth of the first child”. After baby, hostility rises, as the focus shifts from the marriage to the baby. Here are 3 Ways To Have A Successful Marriage Post Baby: The Secret To Making Love Last.
The Importance of a Strong Marriage
Like mentioned above, research shows that there is a proven decline in relationship happiness after a baby is born. Does that mean you hate your spouse? No, it doesn’t, but bringing a baby home increases hostility and added stress into the family. Having a strong marriage is essential to having a strong family. Why is it important? As children grow, their behaviors and emotions are based on what they see in the home. If the environment in the home is consistently hostile, they may show behaviors of hostility and resentment in their own relationships at school and with their parents. Children learn behavior they constantly see and are around. Constantly fighting and arguing with your spouse takes the attention off of the child’s needs and directs it to a negative circumstance. Maintaining strong communication in your marriage will allow for a stress-free, conflict-free, happy and healthy home. Children will then learn from these positive interactions and in turn, will learn how to better communicate and work through personal issues in their own personal relationships.
3 ways to have a successful marriage post-baby: the secret to making love last
Communication can be represented in various different ways. Communication can be through verbal communication, written communication, or communicating through body language. Within a relationship of any kind, it is essential to show some form of communication on a daily basis, which in turn will lead to a strong relationship. When having communication with your spouse, sit down in a quiet space and share your thoughts and feelings. Look them directly in the eyes and tell them what you need. Listen to your spouse and be mindful of your tone and volume as you speak. Initiate the conversation in a light manner if the other person is reluctant to speak about what is on their mind. Understand that your spouse is not a mind reader and that a written list may be more beneficial to communicate things you need to be done around the house. Identify the body language of your spouse, and address it in a gentle manner. If you see your spouse looking frazzled, stressed and overwhelmed, ask if they are okay and see what you can do to help out. Sometimes, someone may not verbally communicate to you that they are struggling, but will communicate to you in a non-verbal way. As parents, it is essential to set your expectations, ask questions, remove yourself from technology when communicating, and try to be on the same team. Lastly, when speaking to your spouse, or speaking of your spouse, offer words of affirmation (verbal compliments that express your love and appreciation) to build security, confidence, and sincerity within your relationship.
2. Quality Time
Quality time after baby seems almost like an impossible task but is so important when building a successful marriage after baby. Spending quiet time alone allows more time for communication and understanding within the marriage. If you aren’t able to go out for a date night without the kids, spend quiet moments together at home after bedtime to ensure that quality time is being met. These are the moment’s the marriage can go back up to the “front seat” all while being present and giving each other undivided attention. Use this time for humor, expressing love and gratefulness, and being in the moment. If you are able to incorporate quality time into your weekly routine, your marriage will be successful.
3. Acts of Service
An act of service is any act that eases the burden of responsibility from someone. Doing something without being told will make the other person feel happy and proud that you did that for them. There are many new tasks around the home when babies are born including, washing bottles, washing clothes, straightening up toys, picking up baby supplies from the store, etc. Many arguments that take place within a relationship after a baby is due to not having enough help with daily tasks. Randomly doing an act of service for your spouse when they least expected makes them feel grateful, appreciative, and less overwhelmed.
Finding ways to get through the first months of parenthood with your spouse will ensure days of prosperity, not hostility. New possibilities of love and appreciation will arise, with your partner by your side. You will show your children what true love looks like, which is the greatest gift you could give them.